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Blog: So you’ve had a baby…

Blog: So you’ve had a baby…

So you’ve had a baby. Congratulations! The woman’s body is amazing and there is nothing quite like creating something with your body. Here’s my take on being a mum.

(This is my own opinion and experiences)

So FYI there’s no “How to mum” handbook. None. Nada. Zip.

So whilst you sit in your euphoria of a fresh newborn baby, just so you know, cause no body fucking told me…life is about to get a whole lot more complicated! The second you walk out the hospital doors, you’re responsible for this tiny human you either pushed out your vajay-jay or you’ve had your abdomen sliced open, you are the one he or she depends on, it’s a hugely daunting task but very rewarding all wrapped into one teeny package, with a fuck load of emotions for shits and giggles thrown in.

So now you get home, hello sleepless nights, sore boobs, a bagillion nappy and clothing changes (you and baby!) oh and don’t forget those giant arse pads you have to wear for a period of time after the birth. Your eyes have bags under them that you never thought were possible. So glamorous! Suddenly the parental leave is over and your husband has to go back to work…you’re left alone, with your teeny squirming creation.

Newborns. It’s like a race against the clock and their sleeping patterns, oh and the term “sleep like a baby” is absolute bollocks by the way, it should be “sleep like my husband” cause newborns need attention. All. The. Time. And all day and night long! Husbands seem to be “tired, need to poop or remember that it’s their job to take out the rubbish or pick up the dog poo or some other random thing that could really wait” when it’s their turn, well mine did most times (not all the time, he was a great help majority of the time) and speaking of poo, newborns poop a lot!  Also prepare yourself for endless days of no showering, dishes piled up and washing that seems to breed like fucking rabbits while you have your back turned!

Once you get past the newborn stage, here comes the teething, the crawling and climbing stage, then finally the walking. Or as I affectionately call it “Where’s the baby?” Cause she was never where I left her once she started being mobile! You may also miss the fact you have baby spew in your hair and you’re in pj’s on a quick…lol ok “quick” as in you need to take everything a baby would need to the shops when all you have to get is bloody milk!

Then there’s the cute chubby baby stage and then they become a toddler. Oh my god becomes your most used words. Also wine is now your best friend. Your baby now talks more, and loves the word no. With a passion. They are now eating what you eat and make more mess than you could ever imagine while doing so. We did baby lead weaning with Myla and holy hell is it messy! Invest in a plastic mat or lay a tarp under the high chair is my only advice.

Hello Terrible twos!!! We never had them with any of our girls, but by golly threenager stage was in full force the second she turned three! . Wow, I mean just wow. I’ve never experienced such rebellion from a small person before. She refused to toilet train and screamed if we tried to suggest or even put her on the loo. The devil inhabited my three year old for 2 solid weeks before she won the battle and gave up.

By now your sweet little made from scratch baby is back chatting, getting into things they shouldn’t (still and more so), will tell you loudly and proudly in the middle of the supermarket that they need to poop without hesitating or caring whose around. You might be thinking, my god what did I do to deserve this monster? You will definitely question your sanity. And wine is still your best friend. Welcome to the Four-nator year. It’s the worst one I’ve experience- with all of my kids. There’s something about this age. They know they are doing wrong, but can look you dead in the eye and still tip the container of hundreds and thousands on the kitchen floor with out batting an eyelid, knowing full well you just fucking vacuumed.

Today I’ve had one of “those days” with Myla where I did in fact question my sanity numerous times throughout the day. Like literally every word that she has said to me has rubbed me the wrong way and I wanna lose my shit in full force, then throw objects (not at her obvs) and hide in the bathroom with the fresh jar of Nutella that Matilda begged me to buy.

But as I sit here on the end of her bed waiting for her to finally drift off to sleep, after yet another full on day, I can say without a doubt that motherhood is one big fucking roller coaster and it tests me daily…But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m a mum. And that is one title above queen to me. I relish in the thought that these four humans that came out of my body depend on me, it’s my greatest achievement as a human being.

Have kids. Have loads of kids if you can! They definitely bring joy, happiness and a little bit of crazy into your life!

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